Closet Weeding: The Big Chore

I moving. Back to Chicago. Anyone who is a woman knows that this will take approximately 6.2 U-Hauls and a small cart and pony, but per usual man and small apartment regulations, my closet must fit in a small Ford Ranger. Oh help.
My plan of attack for this particular feat, I shall have to admit, is not very organized.
Here's what I have come up with so far:

The Pile

Like I said. Not very organized. My original game plan of pulling everything out and seeing if I wanted it was not the best idea that I've ever had.

~6 Hours Later (give or take a day)~

There are many struggles that I encountered during this stressful time, but I shall spare you the gory details. In the end, I wound up with 3 piles**:

• the "omg, I wore that?! Seriously, just Goodwill that" pile
• the "awwww, I liked that, but I'm not 17 anymore, and I've lost weight, but I can sell this" pile
• the "hell no, I'm not getting rid of that" pile

All of this turned out quite well. Goodwill has been appeased with the yearly (let's be real, bi-annual) donation of goods, and I have a handy plastic tote full of clothes that I might get about $2 for on consignment (hey, I'm a poor fashionista, every bit counts towards new shoes). Of course, I may go the eBay route, also known as "the world's biggest yard sale" route. But all that, dear readers, is irrelevant in light of the fact that I have now purged my closet of unwanted clothes and....I can fill it with wanted ones.

**To be quite honest, I would have made a 4th pile, the "I really don't wear this except for in situations when I have to be professional and really boring looking" pile, but that would have just caused more of the aforementioned struggles. 

~7 Hours Later (give or take a day)~

I was good! I only bought two bodycon skirts and a couple tube top devices. I used to be afraid of such devices; the horror of thinking that I had purchased an adorable skirt only to see some girl wearing it as a top later at a party was almost too much to bear. Thankfully, I have since learned to distinguish between "skirt" and "tube top." 

My goal for this shopping outing was to replace the 20-30 some odd pieces of clothing that I had discarded with about 4-5 pieces of clothing that I would actually wear. Replacing all 20-30 pieces would have been a dream come true, but highly impractical, and very expensive. Success! The skirts have that amazing ability to be either longish or shortish and with the right tops they can be worn clubbing or just out(ish); the tops can be worn under sweaters or by themselves on a sunny day. Or a 100 degree day, as Chicago is currently experiencing. It's better to have a few mix and match pieces that will wear for awhile than 30 of those things that you bought because they were "in style" for about, oh, a day. 

My goal for this summer is to create the "classic wardrobe." (And there really is a WikiHow for everything: http://www.wikihow.com/Create-a-Classic-Wardrobe) Not only will I be attempting to create the classic wardrobe, I will try and do it in the most inexpensive way possible. This may not go well, but I'm not about to get myself down. Keep in mind that women's fashions change approximately every three weeks (give or take a year), so the classic wardrobe might need a few tweaks. I will, of course, keep you updated. Stay tuned...

#YOLO XOXO

Let's Get Funky Tonight

I was trying to remember where I got the phrase "let's get funky tonight" and then I realized, with a mixture of bemusement and horror, that it's a Dream Street song. (Listen to it all the way through, do it you won't.)

The back story of this picture is a Top Shop trip, where I intended to buy nothing but try on what I expected to be hilariously funny outfits. In the background, MJ is clearly amused. It's a bit hard to see, but I'm wearing leather pants and a fur vest.

Realizations I came to while wearing funky clothes:

1. If you own it, you can probably pull it off. This is a ridiculous outfit. And so is this. But if you can stand up straight, smile at passersby, and decide that you look great, then ya do. 
2. Find some way to pull all of your funkiness together. The easiest way is to use a common color without being matchy-matchy. Don't be like Paris, for numerous reasons, but also because she's looking like she's trying too hard to make everything work. And trying too hard is a BAD THING. Be like Garance Doré, who very subtly uses blue to pull those outrageous pants and the army jacket together. I'm a wimp, so I used black, which goes with everything.
3. Have at least one or two things that aren't TOO funky. The butterfly tunic, for example, is reasonably not-funky. The pattern isn't wildly offensive and the colors aren't cray-cray. The necklace, while trendy, is pretty low-key. Ms. Doré (her again) is wearing a simple blue chambray shirt and plain-Jane flats. Not only does this save the eyesight and sanity of anyone looking at you, but it lets your other clothes stand out.
4. When in doubt, aspire to be Iris Apfel.

Wearing Heels: A Crash Course

Ladies, ladies, ladies. I know. Wearing heels is not easy. But if you want those killer looking calves and the great ass-lift, heels are the way to go. Currently, my favorite pair of heels are a pair of 5-1/2'' zebra heels with a 2'' platfrom from Qupid.

Want to make your heel-wearing experience a little happier and less stressful? Try these simple rules:

1. Buy your heels tight. Don't buy ones that are sure to slop on your feet, you'll end up with blisters, and you'll be frustrated because you spend most of your night attempting to keep your heels on.

2. Do the rub test. Wear your heels someplace (not out) and only for an hour or two, but make sure you're doing some walking. If they rub anywhere, pre-bandaid before you go out for the night. They also have these nifty things called Rub Relief Strips. Use em.

3. Don't take your heels off before you get home--your feet will swell and it will be a pain to get them back on if you need to. Unless you have the life saving Fast Flats. (Really, this isn't a thing for Dr. Scholl's, Dr. Scholl just happens to know what women need. Thank God.)

4. Going out to dance and be super active (maybe to a dubstep concert)? Opt for wedges or a thicker heel, since they  require less balance and will let you go pain free for longer than a stiletto. 

5. The higher the heel, the smaller the step. 

6. Use railings. Don't die. 

7. You own the sidewalk/any paved surface. Those people wearing not wearing heels can remove themselves from your path. 

8. Don't wear a heel height you're not comfortable with out until you've worn it around the house. I can tell you from experience, it leads to sprained ankles. Not fun.
9. I think peep toes are adorable. However, they can also be more painful than regular closed-toe heels, so really wear them around before you have to take a journey in them. If you need to, do a little padding around the top part of the peep.
10. [This number is open for suggestions. Let me know in the comments what your #10 would be. I'm at a loss.]

One last handy tip (not quite worthy of a #10): Avoid these death traps at all costs. Helpful to the blind and those walking and texting. Otherwise, broken ankle waiting to happen.

If you feel that I have left out an important rule, or you think that one of the above is simply wrong, let me know in the comments below!

Books That Make You Look Good: Angle of Repose

As any person with more than an ounce of style and fashion sense can tell you, accessories matter. It's not just about the clothes, it's also about what you wear with the clothes. Yes yes, this means purses and jewelry and scarves and shoes, etc etc etc (more on all those later, including the etcs). But it also means the magazine you read on the subway (no Star or People or Celebrities R Gr8, puh-leez), the color of your laptop case, and the book you read on the plane-train-automobile. Is this horribly snobbish? Definitely. Should you care if someone is judging you for your splashy tabloid rag? Definitely not. Will you care? Maybe. So if you're anxious to be judged as a stylish and smart person with the sort of gravitas and opinions one would want to invite to dinner parties AND/OR (this is very emphatically an and/or situation) you just want to read a good book, read on.

Angle of Repose is blooming brilliant. It's about a historian by the name of Lyman Ward, confined to a wheelchair in his retirement, who is chronicling his grandmother's life in the West. As Lyman digs through all the hardship, triumph, grief, and wind that one expects from a pioneer story, he reflects on his own life during the tumultuous 1970s.

Why it's a Good Book:
-Stegner's writing is simply great. It's beautiful while still being conversational, it's perfectly descriptive without being overwhelming, and he creates a page-turner without letting his readers skip over anything.
-The characters are 100% believable and all of them are sympathetic. You just want the best for everyone and suffer the pain of knowing that it just can't possibly work out that way. It's a Pulitzer Prize-winner. I'm fairly certain there's a requirement for it to be somewhat depressing.
-Even when it's depressing, Stegner manages to make it uplifting and hopeful.
-Even if you've never been there, it wonderfully captures the feeling of the Midwest.

Why it's a Book that will make you look Good*:
-It's a Pulitzer Prize-winner.
-The title is sort of ambiguous and implies that you're smart enough to know what it means. It uses the word "repose."
-Wallace Stegner is well-known enough to make people furrow their brows and say, "Hey, he sounds familiar..." but not so famous that people think you're reading him to look good.**
-It uses a nice font. And the colors are eye-catching without being garish. Same goes for the cover photo.
-It's respectably thick.

*Yes, I'm joking. But let's face it. I'm also right.
**The real key to Looking Good, both with your clothes and your books is to not look like you're trying too hard. Preferably not at all.